my brain....

I haven't been posting well, but really wanna try and get going again. There is no way I could possible catch everyone up for the last few months. I will say that we are expecting a new addition to our family no later then sept 11th of this year. I'm sure she will get here sooner then that. Her name (so far) has been decidedly Sarah-Lilly Jane Laird. This was a shock to us. I am not prepared, and because we lost Lois-mae last year I am having a hard time getting anything ready. 3 months left! not really much time for someone who likes to be organized (well more prepared ahead of time) and ready to go like NOW.

It has definitely been an interesting last 6 months. We found out January 4th that we were pregnant and i think I cried for 3 days straight. I was petrified! I was NOT ready to have another baby or in my mind LOOSE another baby. So from then until we hit the 20 weeks and went into our ultrasound I struggled. We didn't actually tell anyone until the end of February which was TUFF especially since we live so close to family. I think I was about 12-14 weeks at that time. I was scared to tell them. I knew how everyone felt about us having another baby. Everyone was pretty opened about their opinions. We were scared too! Around the end of Feb I started having these headaches. Horrible headaches! The doctors said not to worry about it that it was probably due to hormones level changing. They got worse and worse. I went to the ER several times. Finally got an apt to the neurologist for may 20th. The verdict? They think I have a blood clot in one of the small vessels in my brain that is causing problems. What do I do? They want to put me on a medication that will prevent seizures. I cant bring myself to take them thought because its in the same category as the medication I was on when I was pregnant with Lois-mae and I really think that it was a cause of her not being here today. The doctor understood. So for now I suffer everyday from the worse headaches that you can imagine. I am under watch of the neurologist and the OB. We will see what happens.

So yes my brain is all silly at times cause it hurts. But I still feel so blessed that I get to watch my family grow so fast. TO FAST.... Benjermen is 6 and will start first grade in just 2 months! Jenasis will be having her 5th birthday in a week, and starting kindergarten in 2 months. Joanna is 3 1/2 and continues to struggle with her behavior and development, but she is working so hard! she will start preschool in the special education program in 2 months. and Levi well he is a 2 year old boy who has more energy then I have ever seen a kid have. ITS INSANE! but he is a mama's boy and, like Jena, will talk your head off. He has the cutest little voice and expects everyone to listen to him!

I hope that I can do my best to keep everyone a little more posted or at least be able to use this as a place to write all those special moments down so that I can show them to the kids later on.

Important to me...

I know I have lacked keeping this updated, but I felt the need to sit down tonight and post this. Alabama needs our help. these family's need our help. thanks for reading.....

March 17th 2009 was a very difficult day for our family. When Lois-mae was born and called a "stillborn". I thought our hospital in alabama would be more prepared for this then I, so the only thing I worried about was delivering her, and seeing her for what would be the first and last time but not alive. I would never see her take a breath, I would never see what color her eyes would be and I would never hear her goo or gaa or smile. Our hearts were broken. We knew she was with our Lord Jesus Christ. We never asked why. we only knew that she would never hurt, or feel any of the pains of this world or suffer the devils ways. We give glory to the fact that she will forever only know Gods love and Personally I am jelous of the fact that she gets to praise him and spend her forever at his feet. THANK YOU JESUS.

However, one thing that broke my heart, though it may seem small to you. is that the state of alabama refused to issue a birth certificate to us and others that suffer this loss. Yes, the hospital gives us our "fake paper that has her name and info on it" but it's not a birthcertificate . I birthed my baby girl. I labored over her for hours and birthed her just like other children get birthed. there was no difference. When she arrived I was broken, I got to hold her just like I would any other child. I got to feel her skin because she was there. To be told that no birth certificate would be issued was shocking. ANd also since there was no birth certificate issued we could NOT get a death certificate. So that meant that the state doesnt accknowledge these childrens birth nor their death. I ask... does that seem right?

I ran across this tonight and wanted to have others know that it isnt just I who went through this but many other family's do too. It is tragic to loose a child, and no one else knows what it trully FEELS like. But please understand how important this is to us all. Click on this site, read the story and please, please sign it! please help us change this. Please make this one less thing we have to find out and think about at this time when all we really should be doing is praying to our Lord and trusting in his Holyness.
Thanks...
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/2/certificate-of-birth-resulting-in-stillbirth-alabamaCertificateCertificate